The World according to yaya

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Let's start at the very beginning -take 2

I don't know what I want to achieve from this blog. I think I just want to see my words out there, but by there I have no idea where I mean. I just have a real need to do this.

As I have already mentioned, I am 31 years of age. I have a lifetime of regrets. I regret not doing better in school, I regret leaving Uni early and not finishing my degree, I regret going out with many of my (very) ex boyfriends and I regret not spending more money on travel. (More on that later....) But most of all, I regret wasting 15 years of my life trying and failing to loose weight.

I'm a bit like one of those articles you may have read in a slimming or fitness magazine;
"I've tried every diet and gimmick known to man- low fat, no fat, no carbs, only eggs and grapefruit, half a cow and two sticks of butter, just juice..." Except, usually those articles end in a positive note with the writer finding 'the' answer- 'the' diet. I haven't.

I lost over 17kg last year before my wedding and thought I would never have to diet again. 5 months and 13 kg later, I am pratically back at square one. I have to admit, I'm not as large as I used to be. I once hit the scales at 99.4 kg (don't forget the .4 of a kilo!) and didn't know where to begin. I don't know how I got down to 85kg but that has pretty much been my homing weight for 4 years. I mean that I get down to 78kg and then back home to 85kg. I was 76kg for my engagement party and then back to 84kg. I then ate only fruit and vegetables and copious amounts of legal speed (ie Duromine) to get to my wedding weight of 70kg. As I mentioned earlier, that lasted for 5 months. I feel like Oprah - in her out of control days. In fact, she mentioned in an article recently that she can look at any photo of herself and know exactly what weight and size she was at that given time. That's me.

And I hate it. And I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to turn 40 and regret not taking control of this in my thirties. I want to live without having to think about food 24/7. I want to be normal - whatever normal is.

The truth is I have forgotten how to eat. I know that sounds stupid and I don't mean that I have forgotten how to put food in my mouth. Believe me, I have that at an Olympic standard. I don't know what weight loss path to follow - what are the right foods, what excercise to do etc. All I do know is that if I continue down the path I am now traveling I am going to stay fat - probably much fatter.

So what to do?


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