The World according to yaya

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Squeezing time

As we were driving on the weekend, I went very quiet and Big M asked me what I was thinking.
I was thinking that I have no idea how I got to be 31.
It's not the ageing thing that gets me so much.
It's the how-do-I-fit-all-that-I-want-to-do-into-the-rest-of-my-life thing.

I recently read an article about how to obtain simplicity in your life and how, as a consumer society, we are now not only collecting objects but also activities. I feel like that. I feel like there is so much I want to do and I have to fit it all in. In my essay I sent to Andrea about the best winter ever, I really overdid it on the activities. When I think of all I wrote I almost gag at the thought of how I'm going to complete them all. Is that how I am supposed to feel about activities that I believe will enrich my life? Am I trying to squeeze too much life into my life? Or am I just trying to be the person I have always wanted to be?

I once knew a woman who was very close to her sister-in-law. Unfortunately, the sister-in-law got terminal cancer and died very young, leaving behind a deeply grieving family. Before she died, the sister-in-law had confided in the woman I knew, that she felt she was chosen to pass on as she had completed all her goals in life and, with nothing left, she was ready and willing to experience whatever was next. I want to live until I'm 102, so I don't ever want to run out of goals. I think I'll just keep squeezing....


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