The World according to yaya

Thursday, October 22, 2009

And so you're back....

A lot can happen in two years.

You may travel to the UK twice more and really enjoy time with your family.

On one of these trips you and your husband may decide that you want to try for a baby.

On the next trip, you may be 12 weeks pregnant and really nervous about what the future holds.

During your pregnancy, one of your closest and dearest friends' cancer returns and you may spend precious time being with him and enjoying everything about him.

You may have a beautiful, healthy and wonderful baby boy and can't believe you are finally a Mum.

5 days after you give birth, you tell your wonderful and closest friend that it is time to let go and you listen to his last breaths over the phone. He may never get to meet your precious baby.
He doesn't.

When your baby is six weeks old, you may have a nervous breakdown and be admitted to hospital with post-natal depression and exhaustion. You can stay six weeks. You do.

You may find being a Mum the hardest, saddest, most difficult time you have ever experienced. You love your son with all your heart but have no idea how you are going to do "this" for the next 18, 20, 30 years of your life. You miss your own Mum more than you could ever imagine.

You may cry 10 out of 24 hours a day. You probably do.

You can go back to work part time when your baby is only 4 months old and you may find these few hours are enough to make you feel like Ya-Ya again.

At your baby's six month stage, you may find that he still doesn't sleep for more than 1 to 2 hours a night. You may feel you are going mad. You probably are.

You may experience anger at other people telling you how long their baby's sleep through the night. Or people giving advice when it hasn't been asked for. You may want to yell at them and pull their hair out. You probably do.

You may find yourself staring at your beautiful and innocent son and wondering how you could be so lucky to ever be Mum to this gorgeous and utterly wonderful human being. You definitely do.

After 2 years of absence, you may feel like writing again. A face book entry here. A short story there. You may even feel like writing your blog again. If you can find it. You do. And you do.

You may want to share this blog and enjoy the whole process of writing again. You may feel a incredible closeness with your son, your husband, your family. You may feel you have survived.

You have....and so you're back......


  • At 12:37 AM, Anonymous sueeeus said…

    Oh YA-YA!!! So glad that you are back!! And, even though you may not want to hear it, what you've gone through, in many ways, is so, so, so, normal. Nobody tells us the reality of motherhood when we've been operating on the rosy view with all that beauty, cuteness, and cuddliness. But even so, we find a way, and we DO get those rosy moments now and again. Between yawns. :)

    I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend. I find it rather spooky in a way that we have so many parallels in our lives. Although I thankfully skipped the major ppd part. All the rest, though. I still have not had more than 3 hours of consecutive sleep for so long I can't even remember. And I only JUST got my 4yo to sleep in his own bed in his own room. Now the baby is 14mos and still takes 2-3 bottles a night.

    Congratulations, Mum!!

  • At 8:50 AM, Blogger leslie said…

    oh yas! i'm so glad you left a comment so i could follow you here. i had no idea what you've been through this year. i can relate to many parts but you've really had the onslaught of emotional hell. and you came out the other side. forget giving birth, you must feel like you could conquer anything life throws at you NOW! xox

  • At 2:13 PM, Blogger jodi said…

    Hi lovley one,

    Just letting you know that I'm going to pass my copy of The Yoga of Birth onto you. Email me your address - jodiclairewilson @ yahoo (dot) come (dot) au

  • At 11:58 AM, Blogger Obaitori Spiritual Mothering said…

    Great post. Life surely is a journey. Take precious care. Katie xxx


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